Whitney's right... I've reached the point where I will exhale

Saturday, May 30th an unsuspecting Delta employee kindly greets me in a deserted terminal at DTW where moments later for the first time in public, I shed uncontrollable tears. I try to hold them in, I really do. I tell myself, 'Keep your composure, at least until you make it to the pay phone cubby'! That statement in and of itself was enough to keep the water works flowing; I don't even have a mode of communication. I am now just like the terminal, deserted.

After 6 days - one hundred and forty four hours - of travleing, packing, shopping, preparing, hello's, goodbye's, driving, planning, laundry, stressing, reassuring, visiting, organizing, explaining, emailing... my emotional rollercoaster came to a crashing hault; I'm stuck in Michigan and I'm not going anywhere. Well, until I get either A) A visa or B) Shell out a couple more hundred for a new flight to do so. My effortless dreams and plans have been crushed. This cannot be happening, this isn't how it was supposed to go. I know it's no use, what's the point of debating reality? Reality has brought me right back into a Volvo, cruising down 94, and my mind can't stop racing to figure out what my next move will be.

Despite my creativity, my options are quickly being exhausted. In order to reissue my unused ticket (Flight NW8901 is flying high in the sky by now) to redeem the whopping $98 to put towards a new ROUND TRIP ticket (very important for all of you international travelers out there!), I would owe a $150 penalty and another $50 on top of that. Superb. Scratch that. How about a Visa? I ring the Colombian Embassy in D.C. Perplexed why no one was picking up my call, a light bulb flickers: it's Saturday. Man, I'm really on a roll here. I do a little google'ing and my speculations (driven primarily by sentences that pretty clearly state exactly this) lead me to realize it could take a whole lot of time before I'm granted a Visa. I begin to loose faith; looking out the sideview mirror of the car, memories of the past 2 months, the anticipation to see my girls again and rejoining Habitat are quickly fading along in the distance. 'So long future 3 months!' Loosing faith that is until the Enemy (Delta), becomes the Allie. It took a day of recooperation, 1 massive migraine and a dent in my travel tissues to recreate my departure (with minimal damage at that). I'm drained and I'm tired, I'm content for now. Right now all I need is to let go of the breath that I've been holding onto and exhale.

Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop-be-doop.

Homeward Bound

Officially back on American soil as of Saturday at approximately 5:30ish p.m. (thank you very much Delta!). I had mixed feelings about returning home for a quick visit. Nevertheless, a free ticket home to see your worry-riden family for seven days is usually something you can't pass up. It's like they say though, there's no such thing as a free lunch. I know my lack of excitment may sound odd, (and it's not that I didn't miss the fam, however worry-riden they may be, or the good old USofA for that matter) but once you've already put yourself out there and are in backpacker mode, it can be a big adjustment to unadjust to everything you just spent 2 months adjusting to in the first place. Being able to actually understand every word, phrase, conversation -what have you - in evesdropping sight; flushable loo's; drinkable tap water; accomplishing seemingly menial tasks exponentially faster (i.e. getting food, agua, laundry, internet...I'm struggling to fill my days here in the Mitten and it's only been 48 hours); just to highlight a few immediately recognizable differences.

Turns out those mixed feelings straightened right out after a few mixed drinks with some old friends. I now realize a week back in Michigan will be the extra dash of confidence that reconfirms my decision to stay abroad, provide some much needed quality time with my beloveds and allow me to resuit, regear, and repack (and not to mention give my overworked intestines a break). I look forward to the week to come and I look forward to my Colombian summer; I look forward to it all.

"They say people in your life are like seasons and anything that happens is for a reason"

It started off as a post-college dream. As some Nirvana I had to achieve. I thought I could control it all while I was gone; control how much I change and the relationships I was involved in. Now I'm here - in a hole in the wall internet shop, large black sunglasses disguising the tears in my eyes on an overcast Antiguan day -and the world has its way with you. Sure, you let it change you, to some extent you even welcome the change. But after a while you begin to wonder when and how it all happened to you. Are you really this person? You're stuck in the middle of where you were and where you are supposed to be.

I thought I would go away for a month, maybe 2 for the financial aspect alone, if nothing else. But I knew deep down, the gypsy inside of me had a secret agenda of her own. In the back of my mind she would tell me that I could fall in love with it all and never come back. That seemed too radical though. Surely I just needed to get this travel bug out of my system and move on from right where I left off. That's exactly it though. You can't always return to where you leave from. Maybe the bug I had to get out of my system was achieved. Maybe it was leaving home, traveling, doing things that scare me everyday - living a life that has meaning and is meaningful. I keep trying to convince myself I made a mistake coming here, but just like the gypsy I tried to ignore, deep down I know it was what I needed to do.

So where does a girl go from here? The gypsy tells me anything is possible, and this time I believe her. It's time to move on and see where this road will lead me.

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