It started off as a post-college dream. As some Nirvana I had to achieve. I thought I could control it all while I was gone; control how much I change and the relationships I was involved in. Now I'm here - in a hole in the wall internet shop, large black sunglasses disguising the tears in my eyes on an overcast Antiguan day -and the world has its way with you. Sure, you let it change you, to some extent you even welcome the change. But after a while you begin to wonder when and how it all happened to you. Are you really this person? You're stuck in the middle of where you were and where you are supposed to be.
I thought I would go away for a month, maybe 2 for the financial aspect alone, if nothing else. But I knew deep down, the gypsy inside of me had a secret agenda of her own. In the back of my mind she would tell me that I could fall in love with it all and never come back. That seemed too radical though. Surely I just needed to get this travel bug out of my system and move on from right where I left off. That's exactly it though. You can't always return to where you leave from. Maybe the bug I had to get out of my system was achieved. Maybe it was leaving home, traveling, doing things that scare me everyday - living a life that has meaning and is meaningful. I keep trying to convince myself I made a mistake coming here, but just like the gypsy I tried to ignore, deep down I know it was what I needed to do.
So where does a girl go from here? The gypsy tells me anything is possible, and this time I believe her. It's time to move on and see where this road will lead me.
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